Hello 2014

Last year I decided that I was going to blog more, well here we are another year and I failed that resolution miserably.  However I am going to make more of an effort to set aside time and work on my blog this year.  Why you may ask?  Well because I miss writing and I feel like life is finally fitting into place and I want to share it with the world.

My life now is so incredible and I just feel so blessed every day when I wake up.  I have the best family, friends and boyfriend anyone could ask for.  I seriously would do anything for these people.  I have had some friendships that haven't made the cut or that have dissipated over the year.  Another one of life's hard lessons that suck at first but once you realize it was for the best, it helps make you a better stronger person.

What else happened last year, well I fell in love.  Not the kind of love like I blogged about on here before.  The love that you have to pinch yourself to believe it is real because you have never felt this way about any other person before in your life.  The kind of love that even though you seem to spend hours and days together doesn't seem like it is ever long enough.  The kind of love that makes you dizzy and at a loss for words LOVE.  So who is this man I speak of you ask?   He is probably one of the most amazing people I know.

Last November (2012) my great grandmother died and I had to attend her funeral on a Friday night.  I was nervous to go because me plus funerals is something that doesn't jive but ended up being a great service.  Why am I telling you this?  Because I almost didn't go to my friend Brian's birthday that night because I didn't know if I would be up for it.  I am glad I did because that night I met the love of my life.  He was the only non-Braintree friend there and I noticed him the instant I walked in.  I wasn't really looking for a relationship or to do anything but hang out with my friends so when we started talking, I was surprised he asked me for his number.  That night was a lot of fun and I am glad we were able to give Brian the birthday party he wanted!

Fast forward a few weeks we are talking regularly and getting to know each other.  And fast forward to today we are a year in and happy as ever.  He is the man I mentioned in 2012 that I was looking for.  He challenges me, he supports me, he loves me for me (the good and the bad).  I feel so blessed and fortunate every day I wake up. :)  so 2013 really was a great year but I think 2014 is going to be my year even more so than ever!

This year I am back to running after an injury that put me on a little hiatus.  I signed up to run the run to remember again so very excited about that.  I am hoping to become a manager at work and keep advancing up the career ladder (I hear you peak at your career by 35 so need to keep this train moving!) Also my big goal is to try new things that I usually wouldn't do because they would scare me.  New experiences are a huge goal of mine for this year.

Anyways, enough babble for now.  Until next time :)

New Year, More Blogging

I made it one of my New Year's resolutions to start writing more and seeing as how I have failed to get started, I feel today is the perfect day to get going.  So what have I been up to over the last 7 months you ask?  Well where do I begin?

2012 had a couple tough months in the end.  I realized that I hadn't confronted all of my issues from my breakup so I decided to face the music and work through the issues.  It ended up helping me realize that I am a strong, amazing person and can and will do anything I put my mind to.  It also helped that the guy I was seeing and I were starting to fall apart and time alone was just what I needed.  I realized that I am always the #2 in a relationship and give way too much leeway to the man in my life.  Well friends, no more.  If you want to be with me you need to accept me for me 100%.  I am not always the greatest person to be around but I am me and I am not changing that for anyone.  This realization came through many long nights and lots of tears but since then life has done nothing but open up for me!

2013 started off kicking butt.  I ran my best time in the Disney Half in January and it felt AMAZING!  My best friend cheered me along the route and was there waiting for me at the finish.  I think I may make it an annual trip.  Disney was a little tough at one point though because it reminded me of how my dreams have changed from this time last year to this time this year.   This time last year I was planning a wedding that just didn't feel right deep down.  I come to that realization now because everything I had planned was a dreadful experience, it just didn't feel right but I kept going because I though Steve was the best I could do in a partner.  I had thought that way for a long time, probably a good year and a half prior to his proposal but was too afraid to do something about it.  Lesson learned, follow your gut. This year I am following my own dreams, my own path.  I am running, something I love to do.  I am getting closer with the amazing friends I have.   I am living on my own, doing my own thing and loving every second of it.  So even though the thought of changed dreams got me down for a little bit, I realized it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.  Had I still been planning my dreams of last year, I wouldn't truly have been myself.   I wouldn't be as happy as I am today and wouldn't be accomplishing these goals I set for myself.  So advice to you ladies out there that are struggling getting past that break up, stop.  Do something for yourself, set your own goals and when you do that life opens up immensely.  My book isn't finished yet, it is just beginning.   

Ruckus=Awesomness

I had quite the realization today, that I am really loving and enjoying life as it is now.  I am living and doing things for myself that define me, not me +1.  It's so invigorating!  I've never been happier in my entire life, even when I thought I was happy.  So you all are probably wondering what the heck I did to feel this incredible, well here it goes.....

So about six months ago my boot camp decided they were going to run the Ruckus race in Marshfield.  For those of you who do not know the Ruckus it is a mud race with obstacles.  I signed up with full intention of not doing 3/4 of the obstacles because I personally believed that I wasn't capable of doing them.  But over the last few months I have really gotten back into the healthy lifestyle and have gotten myself back into pretty good shape, so I felt more ready for this thing than before.  I received my email from the Ruckus a few days before the race and not going to lie, the obstacles detailed in that email made me freak out a little, but alas I sucked it up and got ready to Rock the Ruckus!  Saturday comes along and Beth (my trainer) and I head in there a little early to scope out the scene.  I got there and was AMPED!  The course looked awesome.  I felt totally bad ass even before I started.  Fast forward a couple hours, I get on the course and begin running with my friend Mike.  We get to the first obstacles no problem, through a cargo net, again no problem and then came the mud!  We made it a point to get so gross and covered in mud and that we did.  I'm so thankful for Mike too, he was such an encouraging partner to run with!  We finished with two of the other girls in our boot camp and OMG was it awesome.

So today I am siting at my desk talking to my friend Kathleen who got me into running and I started to cry talking to her about it.  I told her I found my thing, these races are my thing!  while I am saying this I start to tear up because I am so proud of myself for how far I've come.  Five months ago I was on the floor, not sure where to go, now I feel like I am better than ever with the wind back in my sails.  I feel like there is nothing I cannot do and I am so ready and excited to continue going.  I have amazing friends, an even more amazing and supportive family and just so much love surrounding me I could burst!  I love it.  This is what I was meant to do.  God gave me this path to show me I am better than what I was giving myself credit for.  That I am okay on my own and don't need someone else to define me as a person.  What I have accomplished from where I have come from is absolutely incredible and I am so excited to continue this new chapter in my life!!!!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

The last few months have been pretty interesting in life.  Steve decided that he no longer wanted to be with me, the reason I probably will never know but I have my assumptions....but it really actually was a favor to me because I didn't realize how much of myself I had given up.  It's like I was given a new page, a fresh start, to get back to who I am.  I feel like as crappy as the situation was in the beginning I have emerged an even better and stronger person.  My parents have been absolutely amazing through this, their love and support is completely incredible and I wouldn't be here today if I didn't have that.  I also have to say my friends are equally as incredible and patient and I love them to pieces.  As my friends have told me, I was a muddled down version of Stacey until recently, now I am back to the awesomely vivacious person I should be.

So what am I up to now that I am single you ask?  Well after some soul searching and finally detaching myself from the emotions and feelings from my break up; I am pretty much doing anything and everything outdoors related.  I got back into running and have finished the last three 5Ks with personal best times.  I also signed up for two half marathons, one in October, the other in January.  I took up softball again as well as beach volleyball and just upped the number of boot camp classes I do every month.  On top of that I just planned an amazing vacation to visit my best friend in Florida, something I have wanted to do for the longest time but wasn't able to before.

I feel like all that I am doing is truly a real testament to who I am and what I want.  I realized that I always end up losing a lot of myself when I am in a relationship because I go for guys that make me complacent, not men that make me happy yet also challenge me to be a better person.  I need someone who like me, challenges and pushes the envelope and constantly wants and strives to be a better, more awesome person.  I also realized the whole we are super different this is awesome thing doesn't work either, I need someone who likes things I like. That way you have things you can do together that you both enjoy.  I don't need someone who likes ABSOLUTELY everything that I do but there definitely needs to be some common ground in the picture.  I also need someone who stands up for themselves and what they believe in, passive guys don't really work for me.  I need someone to call me out when I am being a brat and put me up on that pedestal I deserve to be on! I know for a fact that I went through everything because God knew I could handle it and He only gives you things you can handle.  Boy did it suck getting to that conclusion but I really truly believe that is the case.   I know I am going to find someone that loves me for me, someone that doesn't run when the going gets tough.  And if not, then it's not in the cards for me.  As much as I am a relationship kind of girl, I don't need a man to define what or who I am.  So I am excited to see what the future holds for me.  I feel like things can only get better from here!

How much is too much?

SO this thought began on Friday night when I was walking around Allston to go to a 90s costume party. It seems as though there are women wearing less and less for costumes...I mean come on now have a bit of respect for yourself. It really unnerves me because this whole concept of "Sexy" seems to now go hand in hand with "trashy" Maybe it is because of the way I was raised, my mom never allowed outfits like that or maybe because women are starting to make themselves believe that for this one day you can dress like a slut and it's ok. Really it's not. It's offensive to us women who have worked our butts off to keep up in this male dominated world. These women are oppressing women and all the hurdles we have overcome since being granted the right to vote. I'm sure Susan B. Anthony is rolling in her grave over these poor choices certain women are making.

What happend to creativity? I mean I have to give my friends and I credit. We thought long and hard about the costumes we wanted to make and there were costumes my friends have that were sexy but in a tasteful manner. This creativity and tasteful sexiness won my friend Leslie $100. Why can't every woman subscribe to this mantra on Halloween. It would make this world a much better place.

Women seem to be putting their sexuality on a plate and thus getting themselves into trouble with the opposite sex. Make a man like you for who you are....not because you dress like trash for Halloween. If more women believed that their minds and personalities (along with their looks) really enticed a man's attention I honestly believe women would have fewer issues when it came to men and relationships.

Am I wrong? I mean I have had countless discussions with people on this subject and there are a number of these people who completely agree....seriously how much is too much???

What Happend to People's Manners?

I don't know why but recently I have noticed that there are a lot more ill mannered people in this world than I realized. Let's take the simple little day to day things like office etiquette. People used to be curtious to their neighbors however lately it seems that there are far more people with poor manners than there are with good manners. I mean taking a conference call on speakerphone in your cubicle is one of the most disrespectful, uncurtious thing a person could do. Your neighbors around you are trying to work and it is not fair that when you are at your desk they have to throw on headphones to tune out your poor manners. I mean is it so hard to take the call in a conference room with your laptop if speakerphone is necessary? It's especially unnerving when there is no one enforcing office etiquette. I mean come on, I know you are much more valuable to the company than I may be but shouldn't that mean you should have a little bit more courtesy?

Another thing that really gets me is when you hold the door for someone and they just speed on pass without acknowledging your gesture, however if you did not hold the door for them you would be subject to their scowls and heavy sighs letting you know of their dis-satisfaction. I just do not understand what has happened in this world to cause people to be so rude. Maybe it is the way I was raised but I was taught to appreciate the nice things people do for you and to be kind and courteous. Maybe upbringing is the problem here...whatever the problem is I wish that people would take a moment and think about how they act and be more courteous...maybe then we would have a better world...maybe that is idealistic to say but I think I have said what a lot of people have thought

Realizations

Funny things happen when you graduate. Things that were important inside the walls of a lecture hall or classroom become un-important, cast to the dark corners of the brain and other things set into your everyday thoughts. Instead of discussions of some of the famous classical authors and their novels your world revolves around deadlines, meeting requests, e-mails and data entry. Mediocrity become standard and thinking outside of the box and discussion possible plot themes is a thing of yesterday. Since I have graduated I cannot remember the last novel I set out to read or the last thing that I wrote that was meant anything. I don’t believe I had a muse that I could have lost and blame my lack of motivation to read or write on. I haven’t gone through anything traumatizing that would lead me to put away my pen and box up my books, leaving both to collect dust among the darkest corners of my room and attic. Why is it that we lose these desires to create and think and replace it with things that were not important while inside the walls of the institution which brought us to the job we possess today? How do we cast aside such passion and talent without even a second thought? Life takes over and consumes our time and energy into things that are mundane and unimportant.